How to Differentiate Between Real Love and Superficial Love

One of the many things human beings seek during their lifetime is a loving companion. In other words, find real love instead of superficial love. This is hard to come by depending on who you ask, and each person will tell you a different story.

But the truth of the matter is love finds you instead of the other way around. Real love is about genuinely giving someone compassion, comfort, trust and most of the time telling the truth. These are some of the core principles of real love, but superficial love is a mortal enemy. It masquerades itself as true love, and will discuss in the next sections ways to possibly identify it.

It’s hard to differentiate at the beginning

When we go through love the first time, we need to maintain to a certain extent some objectivity, and have our feet grounded. Because all of these changes will make it more difficult to evaluate the person we are supposedly in love with.

Having love is different than being in love or breathing it. It is essential to recognize the three stages of love. They are the following: lust, attraction and attachment.

The lust stage is characterized as hormone-driven and leads to desire. Afterwards, attraction on the other hand has blood flow to the pleasure center of the brain. This leads to an increased fixation on the person becoming an attachment.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”

So, how do we know if it’s real love or superficial love? The answer can be deciphered based on circumstances you will live through. They may end up being a determinant factor of success or the failure of a relationship.

It is important to point out that as a person you will experience change, and will be presented with choices to make during your lifetime. Your personal growth will undergo transformation, and unravel the person that you are.

Naturally, new events in your life will test you as a person including your significant other. This means whether you like it or not it will shed light on whether you have real or superficial love.

When you are confronted with an opportunity like a new job offer, working for a company in another part of the country, or going to a university or college for a period of time it will test whether, or not you will remain with your partner.

There is an old saying that by Antoine de Saint-Exupery that says “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”. It is about complementing each other’s goals, and accepting personal growth over time.

Psychology Today ^[1] makes a very important observation about how each partner should approach love with one another. It is the following: “Ideally, our partners love us for who we are intrinsically: our personality, character, and values, all foundational elements of our selves which are less likely to change as we find new opportunities for growth and development.”

To summarize, when it comes to love we should utilize the previously mentioned foundational elements of who we are as a person, as a human being. Sure there are differences that include your ethnicity, culture, tradition, birthplace, etc. The heart of the matter is to really explore and learn about who we are first, and then seek out a partner that fills your heart and not an empty void instead.

Takeaways and conclusion:

A difference between real love and superficial love is accepting who you were, are and will be. It is more than idolizing or buying expensive gifts. It is about each person integrating into each other’s lives, and growing magnificently.

Change along with many challenges to any relationship are a positive thing. Life is not a destination, it is a journey. We all must find a partner who loves, enriches and supports us in every situation. When the contrary happens it simply means it was superficial love, and not the other way around.